Decision Paralysis
Why you can't start the thing you said you would weeks, months, or years ago
There are so many things to do, so you choose to do nothing.
Decision paralysis is the inability to make a decision due to the fear of making the wrong choice or being overwhelmed by too many options. If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve felt indecisive a few times. And it’s not the same as resting or relaxing because both are essential for growth. Most of us have decision paralysis before committing to a college, declaring a major, career, where to live, which new hobby to pursue, where to travel, and other miscellaneous items like choosing one pair of jeans over the other. The problem isn’t not knowing what to do, it’s thinking you will fail at something before you even start. Some of us can make a beautiful chocolate cake on the first try and others need to make four really bad cakes to successfully produce a delicious fifth one. If you’re not a baker and therefore avoid baking cakes, you never know how good your first cake can be.
After entering my mid-twenties, everything starting to fall apart yet make sense at the same time. I spent a lot of alone time to figure out who I am when nobody is watching. I experienced the most decision paralysis during this time. There were abundant possibilities and choices and I wanted to everything, all at once. One of my favorite authors, Sylvia Plath, once said, “the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” And that it is.
The uncomfortable parts of alone time made me realize that decision paralysis coincides with people-pleasing. People-pleasing isn’t a bad thing, to an extent. We need to people-please at work so we can get that promotion, climb up that corporate ladder, or to fulfill a specific career goal. People-pleasing as a child starts when you absorb expectations from parents, friends, and even your community on what you “should” be doing. You shouldn’t consider medical school just because your parents want you to be the first doctor in the family. Or the first engineer. Sometimes the risk is worth the reward, but it has to make sense to you.
People-pleasing into adulthood can lead to burnout, resentment, uncontrolled anger, and greater procrastination (disclaimer: I’m not a therapist! These are just my two cents). If you’re committing to something to make someone else happy, then you are on the journey to self-betrayal. I came across a saying recently that put helped tie in the relationship between decision paralysis and people-pleasing: the longer you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive it is to get home.
In 2024, I read books that changed my perspective on how to be more comfortable with living life. By this I mean to do things that scare me, saying ‘yes’ to more opportunities, and to avoid the fear of failure, by any means. Wouldn’t life be extra mundane if you knew how to do everything right away? Without even trying? Even the most talented people take time to perfect their craft(s). The best writers read a lot and publish work that they’re not proud of. They also have writer’s block. The best bakers messed up the measurements for a pavlova once and they survived.
The reason we fear failure and have an inability to make a decision is because we want to see the future. We want to know what’s in store for us. It’s impossible to be able to look into the future even if we assessed the risks, avoided all the mistakes we could’ve, and were extra careful. The mistakes we don’t make hinder our growth.
2025 is the year of the snake—and even if you’re not someone who tunes into the Chinese calendar—the snake is a metaphor for what we might expect this year (if we allow ourselves to). The snake is about shedding your skin, rebirth, transformation, and renewal. Allow yourself to forgive yourself for not doing what you said you would a year ago. I like to think it’s the year of self-exploration, making mistakes, and making decisions. Cheers to making small, medium, and large decisions.
